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The Origins

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#1Cornelius Darth 

The Origins Empty Tue Nov 29, 2016 10:02 pm

Cornelius Darth
Name: The Unseen
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25 (25 to sustain)
Requirements: The Origins
Type: Sensory
Element: None
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Post
Duration: Sustain
Effect: By using the ethernano around him Cornelius is able to detect the vague movements of things around him. This means he can sense movement within this area, though exact speed/direction/size isn't known.

Name: Ethernano Slash
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25 (25 to sustain)
Requirements: The Origins
Type: Offensive
Element: None
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Sustain
Effect: By channeling the ethernano in his arm, Cornelius is able to propel the ethernano forward; lashing out akin to a whip toward the direction in which his arm whipped. The whip travels with a 5 meter range, and width of said slash is 5 Cm's. It is a single stranded Urumi that is able to move in a very fluid motion due to the nature of Ethernano.

Name: Natures Betrayal
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: The Origins
Type: Combat
Element: None
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: This is a rather simple sort of spell. By clenching his fist, then simply flinging his fingers forward a sphere of ethernano shoots out towards the opponent. They take on the size of a baskbetball.

Name: Bodies Betrayal
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: The Origins
Type: Offensive
Element: None
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: This spell is only able to be cast when making contact with the intended target; his hand must make contact. By making contact with his hand,  Cornelius is able to do this to any target. By making contact with the persons body he is able contort the persons Ethernano into a form that attacks their own body. With this spell, Corenlius must channel his magic to his hand, which will then appear to be slightly discolored; a bit more red than usual. This can only deal D-rank damage. This can be used on either hand, but not swapped during activation.

Name: A Mages Speed (25 to sustain)
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: The Origins
Type: Self Buff
Element: None
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Sustain
Effect: By lifting his knee into the air and slapping his thigh Cornelius is able to buff his speed. This gives him an additional 5 points towards speed.



Last edited by Cornelius Darth on Thu Dec 01, 2016 9:15 pm; edited 7 times in total

#2Tenshi † 

The Origins Empty Wed Nov 30, 2016 8:57 pm

Tenshi †
Hey there, I'm Finn and I'll be grading this magic.

The Unseen- "By using the ethernano around him Cornelius is able to detect movements in the flow of ethernano as well as how much is being channelled." That won't fly, at the very least not at D rank. This is bare bones, you're just kinda starting off magic. If you want you can have a vague idea of your surroundings (movement coming from a certain direction), but no details (is it magic, how big it is, how fast it is, etc). It's more of a vague indication at this rank.

Ethernano Slash- You mention that the range is 5 meters, but you give no indication as to how large it is. When it travels out as a whip, how wide is it? How tall is it? Give me dimensions. Also, type should be Offensive, not combat.

Natures Betrayal- Once again, offensive. This is an instant magic, so that means the spell forms > is shot out > is done (for offensive). It does not linger around to be manipulated. Since there are 3 balls formed, each one is as strong as 1/3 D rank spell. State how large each ball is. If you keep it instant, they fire after being formed. If they're sustained, they cannot leave 5 meters of you.

Bodies Betrayal- This is a D rank spell, so you must activate the spell on a part of your body (hand, forearm, etc), it cannot cover your whole body for instant and convenient use (especially since its action to use it is just contact). There must be some indication of the spells activation (faint glow, discoloration of skin, something). Also explain the damage dealt. It's worded as though it's internal, which is fine, but it can only deal D rank damage. Please state that within the spell, since it's pretty loose otherwise.

A Mages Speed- While "Speed Buff" is fine, I recommend you just put "Self-Buff". Make people read a little- It only benefits you. State how much speed you gain, as well as the fact that it's only around for the post it's activated.

Bump when edited.



The Origins D09aavQ
#3Cornelius Darth 

The Origins Empty Wed Nov 30, 2016 9:12 pm

Cornelius Darth
Bump it boy



Cornelius's Sheet
#4Tenshi † 

The Origins Empty Thu Dec 01, 2016 11:00 am

Tenshi †
The Unseen- "The general movements of large quantities of ethernano can be detected." Not quite. For a D rank sensory magic, you can detect general movement. That's it. Your mastery of your magic and the spell strength is not enough for anything specific. You can detect general movement within the vicinity that your spell affects. So if someone is coming behind you, you could feel movement behind you. If someone is shooting an arrow from the right, you can feel that there is something to your right. You can have a general idea of size (not enough to determine anything) and whether or not it's moving, but not speed. Hope that makes what I said make more sense.

Ethernano Slash- I think I explained this improperly last time. Please state the dimensions of the whip itself. If it travels 5 meters, know that it is 5 meters long. We now know that the height of the whip like slash is 2 meters. How wide is the whip/slash itself?

Natures Betrayal- Looks good

Bodies Betrayal- "By making any form of contact, Cornelius is able to do this to any target." Specify that it's any form of contact using his hand, since that is where the spell is located. Also specify that it can be activated in either hand, but not switched during activation.

A Mages Speed- Looks good



The Origins D09aavQ
#5Cornelius Darth 

The Origins Empty Thu Dec 01, 2016 12:45 pm

Cornelius Darth
Bumped it boy



Cornelius's Sheet
#6Tenshi † 

The Origins Empty Thu Dec 01, 2016 9:16 pm

Tenshi †
Congratulations, these spells have been approved.



The Origins D09aavQ

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