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Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells]

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#1Akira Eiji 

Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Empty Mon Jan 25, 2021 4:51 pm

Akira Eiji
Name: Star Make Sword

Rank: D

Mana Cost: 25

Requirements: Star Make Magic

Type: Offensive.

Element: Fire/Earth.

Range: Self

Cooldown: 1 Posts

Duration: Instant

Effect: Akira claps his hands. A red and brown magic circle appears between his hands. As he opens his hands, a sword made of earth and fire, one meter long and .07 meters wide, will appear. If a target is hit, the sword will deal 1x D-Rank Fire and Earth damage.




Name: Star Make Canon

Rank: D

Mana Cost: 25

Requirements: Star Make Magic

Type: Offensive.

Element: Fire/Earth.

Range: 5 meters

Cooldown: 1 Posts

Duration: Instant

Effect: Akira claps his hands, then holds one hand out in front of him, causing a red and brown magic circle to appear on the ground in front of him. A cannon made of fire and earth, .25 meters tall and one meter long, will form. The cannon will fire a projectile of fire and earth, .1 meters in diameter at a target within 5 meters of Akira. If the projectile hits its target, it will deal 1x D-Rank Fire and Earth damage.


Name: Star Make Guatlent

Rank: D

Mana Cost: 25

Requirements: Star Make Magic

Type: Offensive

Element: Fire/Earth.

Range: Self

Cooldown: 1 Posts

Duration: Sustained.

Effect: Akira claps his hands, causing a red and brown magic circle to appear around one of his hands. A spiked gauntlet of fire and earth will form around that hand. If a target is struck with the gauntlet, they will take 1x D-Rank Fire and Earth damage.


Name: Star Make Greaves.

Rank: D

Mana Cost: 25

Requirements: Star Make Magic

Type: Offensive

Element: Fire/Earth.

Range: Self

Cooldown: 1 Posts

Duration: Instant

Effect: The male stomps his foot on the floor, a red and brown magic circle appearing under it. A spiked boot made of fire and earth will appear around his foot. It deals 1x D-Rank Fire and Earth damage.



Last edited by Akira Eiji on Tue Jan 26, 2021 8:58 am; edited 3 times in total



Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Tumblr_oqmbm3egea1vt14mko1_500

Thank you for reading!
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#2Mikajia 

Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Empty Mon Jan 25, 2021 6:27 pm

Mikajia
Hello, I'll be grading your spells.

First off, I suggest that for the motions for your spells, you simplify it to something like: Akira claps his hands". That would work perfectly fine.

Star Make Sword:
  • 'Once they release the clap', 'the circle disappearing'. Remove those bits. All you really need to say is: As he opens his hands, a sword made of earth and fire, one meter long and .07 meters wide, will appear.
  • You don't need to mention the sword disappearing, whether the attack lands or not, as this is an instant spell.
  • For damage, you simply need to say something like: If a target is hit with the sword, it will deal 1x D-Rank fire and earth damage.


Star Make Cannon:
  • I recommend your phrasing for this spell to be: Akira claps his hands, then holds one hand out in front of him, causing a red and brown magic circle to appear on the ground in front of him. A cannon made of fire and earth, .25 meters tall and one meter long, will form. The cannon will fire a projectile of fire and earth, .1 meters in diameter at a target within 5 meters of Akira. If the projectile hits its target, it will deal 1x D-Rank Fire and Earth damage.


Star Make Gauntlet:
  • State: Akira claps his hands, causing a red and brown magic circle to appear around one of his hands. A spiked gauntlet of fire and earth will form around that hand. If a target is struck with the gauntlet, they will take 1x D-Rank Fire and Earth damage.


Star Make Greaves:
  • 'The magic circle is a red color'. Remove this, as you have already stated the color of the circle.
  • 'The boot is made of Star Make Magic'. Remove this, as it's redundant, and you don't need to mention it.
  • You can simply say: A spiked boot made of fire and earth appears around his foot.
  • State the damage as: 1x D-Rank Fire and Earth damage.
  • You don't need state that the boot disappears if it misses, as this is an instant spell.


Bump when edits have been made.



Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Maxresdefault
#3Akira Eiji 

Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Empty Mon Jan 25, 2021 6:39 pm

Akira Eiji
Alright, all done! Bump!



Last edited by Akira Eiji on Tue Jan 26, 2021 1:26 am; edited 1 time in total



Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Tumblr_oqmbm3egea1vt14mko1_500

Thank you for reading!
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#4Mikajia 

Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Empty Mon Jan 25, 2021 6:54 pm

Mikajia
Star Make Sword:

  • Change the first sentence to: Akira claps his hands, causing a red and brown magic circle to appear between them.
  • Change the damage sentence to: If a target is hit, the sword will deal 1x D-Rank Fire and Earth damage.


Star Make Greaves:

  • 'The boot is made out of Star Make Magic. It appears to just be around his foot, and has small spikes that are 5 cm around it.' Remove that, and just say: A spiked boot made of fire and earth will appear around his foot.
  • For the damage, just say it deals 1x D-Rank Fire and Earth damage. You don't actually need to specify 1x D-Rank Fire and 1x D-Rank Earth.


Bump when edits are made.



Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Maxresdefault
#5Akira Eiji 

Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Empty Tue Jan 26, 2021 2:57 am

Akira Eiji
Bump! Sorry it took so long!



Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Tumblr_oqmbm3egea1vt14mko1_500

Thank you for reading!
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#6Mikajia 

Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Empty Tue Jan 26, 2021 9:03 am

Mikajia
These spells have been approved.



Star Make Magic [D-Rank Spells] Maxresdefault

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