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Rakurai (落雷) Starter Pack

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#1Raikou 

Rakurai (落雷) Starter Pack Empty Tue Jan 19, 2021 11:03 am

Raikou
Rakurai (落雷) Starter Pack



雷光急騰

Name: Raikō kyūtō
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25 MP
Requirements: Rakurai (落雷)
Type: Supplementary
Element: Lightning
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: The user snaps their finger, which causes a magical circle to appear clearly beneath their feet. The user can then jump a total of 5 meters at 20 M/s with a surge of electricity left behind the original location.

雷光疾走

Name: Raikō shissō
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25 MP
Requirements: Rakurai (落雷)
Type: Supplementary
Element: Lightning
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: The user snaps their finger and a magical circle will appear under their feet. The user can then dash in any direction within 5 meters.

電光球

Name: Denkō-kyū
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25 MP
Requirements: Rakurai (落雷)
Type: Supplementary
Element: Lightning
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: The user only need to snap his finger and open their fist. This will causes a magical circle appear on their palm and a little ball of lightning will appear. This lightning ball can be use to illuminate their surrounding within 5 meters

電光動き

Name: Denkō ugoki
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25 MP
Requirements: Rakurai (落雷)
Type: Supplementary
Element: Lightning
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: The user only need to snap his finger while they’re in mid air and will causes 2 magic circle under each of their feet. This will allow them to control their move mid air to make sharp move, turn, and restrict forced movement (e.g. falling from the sky, knock-back).



Last edited by Raikou on Thu Jul 01, 2021 6:51 am; edited 1 time in total

#2Akushitsuna 

Rakurai (落雷) Starter Pack Empty Sat Jan 23, 2021 11:36 pm

Akushitsuna

No offense, but I'm gonna need you to be a bit more grammatically correct with the wording of your spells overall.

  • EXAMPLE
  • Name: Raikō kyūtō
  • ORIGINAL: Effect: The user have to snap their finger and after the magic circle showed up under their feet, they only have to make a jump this spell will allow him to jump for 5 meters with the electricity from the lightning.

  • POSSIBLE SOLUTION:
  • The user snaps their finger, which causes a magical circle to appear clearly beneath their feet. The user can then jump a total of 5 meters at 20 M/s with a surge of electricity left behind the original location.

  • ETC. Please make the rest of your spells more definitive in nature, along with more grammatically correct information.

  • Sorry, I wouldn't ask as much if it wasn't several issues present.

#3Karisa 

Rakurai (落雷) Starter Pack Empty Thu Mar 04, 2021 5:19 pm

Karisa

The user has 48 hours to reply to their spell thread notifying that they still wish to finish their spells before it becomes archived.

#4Raikou 

Rakurai (落雷) Starter Pack Empty Thu Jul 01, 2021 6:52 am

Raikou
bump bump bump

#5Ikazuchi 
Online

Rakurai (落雷) Starter Pack Empty Sun Jul 04, 2021 6:07 pm

Ikazuchi
@Raikou wrote:Rakurai (落雷) Starter Pack



雷光急騰

Name: Raikō kyūtō
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25 MP
Requirements: Rakurai (落雷)
Type: Supplementary
Element: Lightning
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: The user snaps their finger, which causes a magical circle to appear clearly beneath their feet. The user can then jump a total of 5 meters at 20 M/s with a surge of electricity left behind the original location.

  • The speed of a dash spell is based on lunge speed, and is not fixed to 20 m/s.
  • Adjustment Example: The user snaps their fingers causing a magic seal to appear clearly beneath their feet. The user can then jump up to 5 meters at their lunge speed with a surge of electricity left behind the original location.


雷光疾走

Name: Raikō shissō
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25 MP
Requirements: Rakurai (落雷)
Type: Supplementary
Element: Lightning
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: The user snaps their finger and a magical circle will appear under their feet. The user can then dash in any direction within 5 meters.

  • When crafting a spell, it will help you to list basic details about function like what the speed would be based on and such. I would also suggest adding some element of lightning to the actual description.
  • Adjustment Example: The user snaps their fingers causing a magic seal to appear clearly beneath their feet. Arcs of electricity can clearly be seen around their feet, this allows the user to dash in any direction up to 5 meters at their lunge speed.


電光球

Name: Denkō-kyū
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25 MP
Requirements: Rakurai (落雷)
Type: Supplementary
Element: Lightning
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: The user only need to snap his finger and open their fist. This will causes a magical circle appear on their palm and a little ball of lightning will appear. This lightning ball can be use to illuminate their surrounding within 5 meters

  • You can adjust the duration of this spell from “Instant” to “Sustained”
  • Adjustment Example: The user snaps their fingers and opens their hand to reveal a magic seal on their palm. Above this seal on their palm and a little ball of lightning will appear and illuminate their surroundings within 5 meters of the user.


電光動き

Name: Denkō ugoki
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25 MP
Requirements: Rakurai (落雷)
Type: Supplementary
Element: Lightning
Range: 5 Meters
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: The user only need to snap his finger while they’re in mid air and will causes 2 magic circle under each of their feet. This will allow them to control their move mid air to make sharp move, turn, and restrict forced movement (e.g. falling from the sky, knock-back).

  • This spell could only resist a knockback equivalent to the rank that it would travel. For a D-Rank spell like this, it would be limited to countering a knockback of 5 meters.
  • Adjustment Example: The user snaps their fingers while they’re in midair creating a magic seal under each of their feet. This allows the user to change directions midair in order to turn, make sharp movements, and resist momentum (e.g. falling from the sky, knock-back). This spell can only resist up to a 5 meter knockback effect.



Hey there, for these spells I pointed out issues that need to be adjusted and offered examples of what kind of changes could be made. There are some grammar and phrasing corrections with the examples that include the adjustments mentioned. Please bump this thread when the changes have been made.

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