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A Letter and Some Questions for FTRP

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#1Steelheart 

on Sat Jan 20, 2018 8:56 am


Hello.

My words bear no meanings of attack, hate or anything of the same calibre.

I am here today to ask a genuine question as my title suggest and I can't help but wince at the possible replies I may get. It's is weird for me to here and do this thing, and I am quite sure that to many of you this will be nothing more than a stupid act. Yet, I wanted to get a clear answer from the community to this question.

I've been on this site a long, long time ago. When Nakamura was a guy, when Zane had bomb curse, and when Star a.k.a Xun was running the site. I came back to the site many times after my departures, sometimes I told who I was, sometimes I didn't. I accept the fact that this was a bad act on my side, and I apoligize.

Many times I came back here, I've faced the same kind of behaviour. My experiences might confuse some of you, or make you quit the topic asap. But please do not, for this post is not about blaming the community. It is about asking if I am right on what I say, if I am wrong, what I could've done, or what I've done wrong.

This site, the community, is cold.
The coldest I've ever seen.

This is why I said that this will confuse some of you because I'm sure you are having a great experience here. And I am jealous, I indeed am, because that was something I never could do. I will not badmouth the site, I did have some good times, but I was unable to see past the other side of the fence. The side, filled with people that I wasn't roleplaying with. The side full of the most popular people here.

And I couldn't help but think that the more cynical and "cool" you are, the more you got liked here.

Or well, if you were a girl.

I've seen the site on her different stages as I left and came back with more hope than before. Most often than not, the newbies who joined with me, they didn't stay. I didn't mind that, I knew how this site was, I thought I would get a close ring of friends that I'd roleplay often with. I thought that would be it.

But that gets hard when you see that no one actually gives a shit about you.

I want to note real fast that I don't want this to be a "Why won't you love me?!" kind of deal and I apoligize for making it seem as such. But I am quite bottled inside in regards to this site, where I wanted to join so much, but couldn't. I want to tell my experience as much as possible so that my question makes more sense.

Also thank you for reading this far.

I've seen Seven Sins, it's members and who they are now. Yumi and thecuteoneiforgotthenameof who was their leader, they were nice. But I either didn't see the same kind of approach from the others, or didn't know them enough. But I've seen some types of behaviours that made me question about why they were still respected here.

Of course it's not about them, or any single individual. I hope that I am wrong and that if only I got to know them I'd understand. But you don't exactly want to get close to someone who beyond doubt doesn't want to, or seems so cold and distant and edgy.

Everytime I come back to the site I see the same roster, the same core group of people who always seem to be around. Am I the only one who thinks that is weird? The others seem to be changing like passing cars, but a certain group of people always seem to be around. Isn't that weird? Doesn't that scream that others are not included enough to keep them here?

My question is if I am crazy, that there is nothing wrong, that mean people are not respected around here. My question is if I approached the community wrong, if I am being over sensitive, if I see things wrong.

I want to note real fast that I don't want this to be a "Why won't you love me?!" kind of deal and I apoligize for making it seem as such. But I am quite bottled inside in regards to this site, where I wanted to join so much, but couldn't. I want to tell my experience as much as possible so that my question makes more sense.

Also thank you for reading this far.

In chat, simple greetings are not responded. People seem to not care about the newcomers. But if you act all wacky and shit you get all the chats. Make snarky comments and people love you.

Why?
Am I wrong?
I, honest, only want to know this: Am I wrong? With no kind of hyperbole. This is what I've seen happening in this site. I ask these questions because I want to be told that I am wrong about what I've seen. Or if that there is something I am missing.

This site I could never truly feel a part of, nor was active around so much, I ask this because I love the regulations and systems so much.

I wish I could have fun with everyone here, I will forever regret not being able to casually RP, spar and combat, and make some real friends that I will talk to for years.

If this seems whiny and stupid to you, I'm sorry.

I promise that I will not come here on a different account acting like someone else ever again. Then again, this post might just make my chances of ever truly being a part of the community drown, so there is that.

But with that said, I'd like to not say who I am because I don't feel comfortable about it, so even if you have an idea of who I am, I wish you respect that.

I hope that I made this text as personal and non-blamey as possible, because I wrote these words in more in a somber, questioning tone; not with anger. Sorry for the messy format and repeating questions, I am just kind of lettin' it all out.

Thank you, and I will be awaiting for your answers.

#2Baron 

on Sat Jan 20, 2018 9:32 am

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Quite a read you have here.... Quite a read.

First off as a member of the community I want to apologize if you or anyone else felt alienated when coming into the chat or seeking out something so simple as camaraderie among your fellow members. No one should feel like they aren't 'loved' or wanted.

I may not be able to speak for anyone else but I will at least tell you that coming back as yourself and not trying to appeal to any of our lovely cynics and 'cool kids', I probably don't know you, this entire thing could be a meme but regardless my words are the same, snarky ass holes are only liked by other snarky ass holes.

If there is a clique, well, WTF GUYS HOW CAN YOU LEAVE ME OUT?! But on a serious note, it depends on who's around. it could just be a sense of over familiarity rather than the alienation of newbies. Man this is longer than I intended it to be.

Anyway, it's 2018 kid, no need for a letter, just come back, be you and don't worry about the asshats. I should know i'm one of them. And well if the problem of seeing people love the cool kids persist just uh, say fuck 'em and move on you'll find some folks you like eventually.

#3Xandra Queen 

on Sat Jan 20, 2018 9:51 am

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Hello. First of all, as Baron said, I'm truly sorry that you feel that way and secondly, thank you for addressing the issue in a calm and peaceful manner instead of bashing other members and creating drama.

I'm not exactly sure who were the people you met with or spoke to, nor have I been a member for long enough to know your experience first-hand but I can tell you that times have changed. When times change, people often change too. I completely understand how you feel but you also need to know that unfortunately, this is a very common occurrence on RP sites.

I hope I don't offend you in any way but all I want to say is that, if you really want to RP and stay here, do it. No one can stop you. Of course you can't please everyone but I assure you that there will be people here who will welcome you warmly. It takes some time for people to open up to others. Whether you're a troll or not, I sincerely hope that you are able to get over these feelings and join us once again. You never know, maybe things might turn out different this time.

However, if you still decide to leave, that is completely your choice and everyone will respect that but if you choose to stay, welcome back!

#4Sage 

on Sat Jan 20, 2018 10:21 am

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ello

dude u just wrote a long letter n im proud of it :)

u express urself, u communicate n not many can do that, ur brave

about the topic, maybe people are just like that, we all know that humans

or if i may, hoomans,

r complex creatures n each of them is unique in their own way

they see things differently

one might only crave for power

n some might just want to meet new ppl n hv friends, like u :)

but when u r discovering new stuff

especially when it has to do with hoomans,

u can never expect things to go with what u hv in mind

maybe ppl here r not that friendly

but

we all have flaws right

even being flawless is a flaw.

see the good side of them

see the bright side of them

so that it may enlighten u like the thousands of stars illuminating the dark lonely night.

#5Steelheart 

on Sat Jan 20, 2018 11:07 am


@Baron and Xandra

Thank you for your kind words. Now that some time passed, I realize that I could use softer tones and better wording in my post. I'm still glad that my desire to be peaceful and calm has been seen. While I fully understand you and love what you mean in your posts, I feel to affected by the whole thing to make a comeback. But no, it's not a meme, but people might make it one and I'd just laugh. But no, I'm not a Johnny.

-

@Sage

thanks dad

-

If anyone else has anything else to say, I'm all ears. Thanks to all that read and posted.

#6Christian Zane 

on Sat Jan 20, 2018 11:37 am

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Heya, I'm gonna keep this fairly short here

First off I have no doubt I probably am one of the more cynical and edgy people you mention, so if I have made the experience worse for you, I am sorry if I took jokes too far.

Second off, as someone who has been here a long long time, I have seen this site change a lot. And I can say that cliques in this day and age of the site are very rare, and that for the most part everyone talks to everyone and almost anyone is up to RP with anyone.

Third off, while I'm not exactly the most active RPer so I can't say much, I genuinely hope that whoever you are, you find some sort of liking for the forum now. As much as I shitpost, I genuinely like this place, and I think it needs lots of new members.

#7Steelheart 

on Sat Jan 20, 2018 12:02 pm


Thanks Zane, but no, you never made the experience bad for me. I'm sorry I made you feel that way. You were always fun to chat with. Thank you for your kinds words, they were important to me. Your jokes never felt mal-intended.

#8Varian 

on Sat Jan 20, 2018 5:28 pm

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If you ever make a character and decide to stay, I'll be glad to RP with you.

#9Chisu Lau Manji 

on Sat Jan 20, 2018 10:41 pm

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I have no doubt that I'm probs included in that list of "Idgaf about dem noobies" because I've simply held too many hands to get things running and they simply leave no matter how included. i have a few ideas of who you could be, but tbh it doesn't matter.

If you want to be a part of this place, make it your home. Don't give a shit about what anyone else thinks of you. Find and nitpick who you let into your bubble and make your own personal world in this forum. That's how most of us do it without thinking, and that's how it just is.

This is a site where shit happens, and shit happens fast.

But for the people who stays since that era, I can assure you, none of us really give a shit about each other, both IC and OOC. No forum is meant to replace your IRL-Life, it's meant to complement what you're enjoyed so we all can share it.

Maybe I've rambled, I do that. If you knew me before this time, then you probably know this too. I guess what I'm saying is:

Either burrow yourself into the dirt of this world and grow, or you can wither away like everything else.

The world won't wait for you. You have to make your place. And often the seeds that are the most determined, seem to make a name in this land.


But eh, I'm just some person who uses too many accounts. I never live that long here anyways ;3

(Not trying to be a dick, just sharing my view.)

#10Phoebe Rainsworth 

on Sun Jan 21, 2018 3:06 am

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I just want to add that the community around the time of Xun wasn't always friendly to newbies either. It is a sort of test perhaps to see if you stick around before people put time, effort and plot into you. But there were enought that would want to do a simple topic if you knew where to look. No matter the clique I can remember they were all friendly.

Right now I still know most of those people and sure they did change, some aged and left school, job and mainly had shit that made rp their way of dealing and they cant have someone around that comes up and asks questions that are easily answered by reading rules. And if that was only one person sure but I feel lately that it is every newbie. Not saying you will do that but just that some members are waiting to see what you bring or deal with their own shit that they need tp talk to a friend from their 'clique' . (and questions are allowed ofc don't worry)

So what I mean is that if you keep showing initiative that a lot of people appreciate that and surely talk. I also wonder how many times you tried to talk in chat depending on times for me with timezones I sometimes notice chat is dead but I never seen newbies completely ignored. Perhaps a hello because there was a conversation but that can happen even to the best of us in RL.

#11Steelheart 

on Mon Jan 22, 2018 3:54 am


Thank you all for your attention.

Re-thinking with all that you have said and also looking around the site a bit, I realize that this was mostly my mistake. I should've realized that not all communities work in the same way, and that I shouldn't have forced things in my mind to fit with the reality, it should've been the other way around.

I want to say a last few things, I can't deny my own emotions at that point of time; role-playing was something I was very interested in, but never really could do in a regular manner. While my life isn't exactly lacking seriously in any point, I let myself get caught on the spirit and expected things to be a pink dream: Perfect. This seems to have repeated with each of my comebacks, so I guess while I thought "Alright, I'll be chill this time," the fundamental problem which was me, wasn't changing so of course it'd end the same.

I greatly appreciate all your words and for helping me see things in a different light. I never truly believed that the community was "bad", heck, my first post is actually quite cringy at certain parts, but I needed that closure in my life and for showing myself that I was indeed thinking in a critically close minded manner. So thanks for taking me relatively seriously in your replies. I've seen that I was wrong and wish I realized something as simple much before.

I'm sorry for the small disruption I've caused and sorry for calling the community cold. Reading Manji's post made me realize that personal problems still exists that can reflect on ones internet behavior, but also the fact that you tried before and it didn't work. I've actually seen you join the site, so when I said that the roster never changed, I was wrong, because you've stuck around.

If anyone else has anything to say, please do so. However, the question is pretty much answered for my case, so I will only check my PMs here and there in case someone has anything to say on the topic, and this thread is locked.

My desire to return for one-last and honest time is real, but at the same time it is weird to think that I will be known as "that-one-guy-who-wrote-that-letter", and a bit eerie. So maybe I will just take things slowly, and if it doesn't work out, I will know that I can't blame the community for it.

Thank you.

<3

#12Tecka Majora 

on Tue Jan 30, 2018 2:47 pm

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Im not gonna deny that ive felt the same in the past:loneliness or seclusion, but it never really bother me to the point of leaving cause it was my own choice to be alone, and irl ive enjoyed being alone and observing my own progress, so when rp'ing on ftrp i loved every second...then it happened like thrice over..

IT being my reason for leaving:

But still this site has always had a lusterous allure, and i inevitably return. I cant honestly say its the people because regardless of a new face or old face im happy to see them, but im even more excited to see the site flourish.

And you meet such colorful personalities, its hard to stay sad whether im simply observing or interacting.

#13Kazuki 

on Wed Jan 31, 2018 10:10 am

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I was around, under a different name, back when Sei had the site originally and then it transferred to Xun and I'll admit people weren't the friendliest back then--myself included. I could come off as a dick without meaning to, and I'm sure many others can relate to that. I too left and came back several times (That time skip did me in, though!) and always felt like I was 'excluded' too. I also tried to make friends and RP with them, but it wasn't easy--still isn't.

I will say, since coming back, I've noted the community to be 'nicer', I suppose. I think it's important to understand that there will ALWAYS be cliques though, always. That's life. Humans congregate to like minded individuals, as Baron said, snarky asshats flock to snarky asshats. If you don't feel like you fit in with them, then you probably aren't one. But, I'll admit it's hard to find like minded individuals if they're pushed away--but I haven't seen that to the be the case this time around.

I can only speak from personal experience, of course, but I feel as though everyone at least gives everyone the passing time of day now, proof that the community has matured and grown. Nobody is the same person as they were back then. People change, grow, some for better some for worse--but I've seen nothing but growth for the better since I've been back. Nobody can force you to stay, or even come back, but I'd implore you to hop in Discord and give it one more whirl. If it DOES fail, you already know what to expect. So, what's the worst that could happen?

#14Konstantin Sokolov 
Online

on Mon Feb 05, 2018 9:40 pm

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This topic has been moved to the appropriate forum.




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