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Auberon's Spells

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#1Auberon O'Leary 

Auberon's Spells Empty Mon Aug 07, 2017 6:47 am

Auberon O'Leary
Name: Shark Jaw
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: Storm Surge
Type: Offensive
Element: Lightning
Range: 5m (From fist)
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: After clenching one of his fists, effectively charging it with electricity, Auberon launches a punch that sends electricity towards an enemy in the shape of an open-mouthed shark 2m long and 0.5m thick. The shark does not do any damage itself, as it is purely a visual form. The harm comes from the pure electricity. This spell does D rank shocking damage and has a range of 5m.

Name: Flash
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: Storm Surge
Type: Offensive
Element: Lightning
Range: Self
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: After clenching one of his fists, effectively charging it with electricity and coating it with a bright blue hue, Auberon launches towards an enemy to punch them, leaving behind a streak of electricity that is purely visual and only for aesthetics and lasts for a few seconds. This spell does D Rank bludgeoning damage and may knock the target out of balance form surprise.

Name: Crashing Wave
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: Storm Surge  
Type: Offensive
Element: Lightning
Range: 3m
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: After clenching one of his fists, effectively charging it with electricity, Auberon sends electricity in the shape of a crashing wave towards an enemy up to 3m away. This wave is 1m tall and wide at first but gets smaller in height as it crashes. If the target has lower than C rank strength , they may also be pushed back by the spell. This spell does D-rank shocking damage and shocks those that are caught in the electricity, but does not damage or interact with the environment. The direction is fixed and the velocity cannot be changed.

Name: Splash
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: Storm Surge
Type: Offensive
Element: Lightning
Range: 1m
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: Instant
Effect: After clenching one of his fists, effectively charging it with electricity, Auberon outstretches his arm while doing a flip, similar to a cartwheel, all the while a trail of electricity arcs around him mimicking the shape of flowing water. This water takes the motion similar to as if someone doing a flip also held out a long flowing ribbon. This spell does D-rank shocking damage per use of the spell and shocks those that come into contact with the electricity. The arc of electricity is 0.5m thick and 4m long and is the source of damage.

Name: Riptide
Rank: D
Mana Cost: 25
Requirements: Storm Surge
Type: Offensive
Element: Lightning
Range: Self
Cooldown: 1 Posts
Duration: sustained
Effect: After clenching both of his fists effectively charging them with electricity, Auberon coats his fists with a bright blue static-y layer that deals D-rank shocking damage on touch and makes the target feel a zap.



Last edited by Auberon O'Leary on Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:30 pm; edited 11 times in total

#2Evangeline 

Auberon's Spells Empty Mon Aug 07, 2017 11:00 pm

Evangeline

  • Shark Jaw
    -Flexing your muscles is not a good enough start up motion. Please change this.

    -Open mouthed shark, you say? What is the size of it?

    -I'm guessing this does Shocking damage? Mention that it does D rank shocking damage.

    -Also, the max range can be 5m.

  • Flash
    -Same problem with start up motion.

    -What does this spell do exactly? Does it coat your hand with lightning? Does this streak of lightning do anything? The whole spell description is vague. Please explain this in detail.

  • Crashing Wave
    -This spell overall lacks in description as well.

    -In the shape of a crashing wave? what size?

    -Mention the range inside the description as well.

    -What do you mean that Auberon can move with the wave?

    -By electrical damage, you mean shocking damage?

  • Splash Punch
    -Description again. I can't completely picture this spell with the way you describe it.

    -What do you mean a trail of electricity arcs around him in the shape of water? Does water have a definite shape?

    -So is the effect of the spell in your punches or the shape you are creating?

  • Riptide
    -Same problem. You are sending out a spear while dashing backwards? Exactly what are you trying to do with the spell?

    -This spear is launched or it is suspended in air for someone to run into it? I can't really picture what the spear or you are doing. Please explain these things in detail.


Overall, the spells cannot have simply flexing their muscles as start up motion.

You do do not have to mention that a free hand is a requirement.

Lastly, these spells are not explained properly. Sometime their damage, sometimes their range, and most of all, their effect or what exactly it is doing. You have to explain what is happening with these spells in detail.

Bump once you are done editing. Good luck.



Auberon's Spells R1pERCr
#3Auberon O'Leary 

Auberon's Spells Empty Tue Aug 08, 2017 6:59 am

Auberon O'Leary
Okay, I think I fixed everything. Sorry for not being descriptive enough. I can provide pictures and animations if neccesary.

#4Evangeline 

Auberon's Spells Empty Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:02 am

Evangeline

  • Shark Jaw
    -The size of the attack being the size of the shark is too big. Tone it down to fit within 5m size.
    -Include the max range in the description as well.

  • Flash
    -Change the range to self.

  • Crashing Wave
    -Does the wave travel in a single direction?
    -Mention that only those with less than C rank strength may get pushed back.

  • Splash Punch
    -Mention that you do only one D rank per use of the spell.
    -Although I saw the gif, I have to ask, how can you punch and cartwheel at the same time?
    -This trail of electricity, I'm guessing it's the thing doing the damage. If so, what's its size?
    -Also, the damage has to dealt with either the fist or the trail of electricity.

  • Riptide
    -It takes the shape of a coat? You mean, the blue layer of electricity coats your fists?
    -The range would be self if the above thing is the case.


Change all the 'electric' damage you mentioned to shocking damage. Bump once edited.



Auberon's Spells R1pERCr
#5Auberon O'Leary 

Auberon's Spells Empty Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:20 am

Auberon O'Leary
bumped after fixing

#6Evangeline 

Auberon's Spells Empty Tue Aug 08, 2017 9:33 pm

Evangeline
These spells have been approved.



Auberon's Spells R1pERCr

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